Class notes: Influences on sexual choices
Inside yourself- romantic feelings, curiosity, desire to grow up, need for love or to express love
Friends- “everyone else is doing it”
The media- send messages that sex is a common, early part of a romantic relationship and has few physical or emotional consequences
Worksheet- Self-talk messages. Sometimes it is difficult to say “no” – especially, to someone we care about- and to stick with our decision. We will be using a series of role plays to learn about, and then practice, ways to say no when they don’t want to have sex. The ability/skill to say no effectively gives us a lot of power over our lives.
Class notes: Besides self-talk (things you can say within yourself over and over to support your abstinence choice) and practicing self control (actions you take to control yourself against making decisions that might not support your abstinence choice), there are more ways to support your abstinence choice.
Verbal and Non verbal ways to refuse sexual advances.
*Say “NO”
*Repeat the Refusal
*Suggest an alternative
*Use body language that says “no”
*Build the relationship (if appropriate)
Remember the three elements of successful relationships (communication, relationship building, planning). Refusal statements can fit with these elements. The verbal aspect of effective refusals involves saying the word no in a tone of voice that shows you mean it, repeating the refusal if necessary, and suggesting an alternative. You can also reinforce the verbal in non verbal ways.
Non verbal ways to say no: “body language” (such as tone of voice, gestures, the look on your face, the way you sit or stand)- is an important way to communicate with or without talking.
*Hands off- throwing hands up in a “get off me” gesture or using hands for emphasis
*Soldier body- sit up or stand up stiffly like a soldier at attention and march away from the other person if you need to
*Firm voice- strong and business-like voice
*Serious expression- best “I mean it” face
*Gestures- hand and arm movements that emphasize your point
*Fight Back- at times, if everything else fails, you might have to use your strength to push away and protect yourself.
Demonstrating Role Plays:
Hand out the role plays: Your Friend’s Ex Girlfriend and Trying to Slow Down to students that demonstrate some of the ways that not clearly saying no can work against getting what you want.
After each role play, discuss the skills that were used and how they were used. Also discuss with role players how they felt in the role and how they would feel if this were a real situation.
Read the effective versions for each role play, keeping the same roles. After the role plays, go over the check list again. Discuss the elements of the effective refusals.
